The Angry Chef Narrative Continues On
Thinkpiece on GrubStreet Article: Everyone’s Thirsty for The Bear. Here’s What It’s Really Like to Date a Chef
The article by GrubStreet describes what it’s like to date a chef, by showing a person who is utterly consumed with their job to the point where it leaves them hurting within their personal relationships, using the hit show “The Bear” as a reference point. The problem with this article is it reads as playing off stereotypes along with more quotes from friends and people who believe that chef’s are bad and cannot have good relationships rather than people who believes that they can. In general, it is not only chef that can be extremely engrossed by their job. In my own experience within the restaurant industry, I have ran into many people within the industry who live, breathe, drink, eat, sleep everything within the industry — to the point that their friends are solely people within the industry as well as their partners. There is no release from this as their entire worldview simply becomes the hospitality industry.
This sort of grueling worklife is not limited to chef’s nor is the ego limited them as well.. Those who are in any position of power within a well-established and nice restaurant start to become heartless to the people who are just starting off, or who are wanting to enter into the hospitality industry. The industry as a whole, like so many other workplaces within the United States is toxic and allows for people to grow egos, lack empathy, and overall become assholes and naturally this can start to be seen within their personal life. This is the type of mentality that comes along with making your job your “passion” or otherwise your entire existence, personality and even hobby in some cases.
Chefs plating dishes to be served in the kitchen at Maison Sun, 2022.
With all that being said, let’s move onto the real statement that the article touches on — What it’s really like to date a chef. There are pros and cons to dating a chef, some that the article touches on that is extremely valid. The problems associated with dating a chef that many people run into is long hours/days, how hard they can be on themselves and additionally how their work can affect your relationship. A lot of this is not necessarily the industry’s fault but rather falls on the individual. If you are dating someone who is unable to openly express themself and bottles things in, this stress that they are feeling when in their job is stress that can naturally be felt within the home. Many of these problems could begin to be solved if therapy was more easily accessible for people who work within these positions.
A lot of the problems that are within the articles of people being assholes or doing things that don’t necessarily make sense, are not the fact that these people are chefs but is solely based on the fact that these experiences and these people before that are shitty people first. Kitchen culture has allowed for the degradation of people by taking away line cooks autonomy and turning them into people where their only response can be “yes chef,” no matter what insult is thrown their way. As someone who has worked as front of house staff at NYC Michelin-starred restaurants for almost two years now, I have heard chefs who have been working within the industry for 20 to 30 years saying that this kitchen culture is changing for the better. Although cooking reality shows and recent releases of chef shows and movies (The Menu and The Bear) showcase chefs at their worst, sooner or later hopefully this image of the angry chef will be erased as kitchen culture starts to change.
Chef Drew holding dry-aged ducks used for service at Maison Sun, 2022.
